The Song of the Grumpy Toadstools

Lord Ancrum's Wood: excitement gathers under the leaf canopy as our first At Home approaches

Small People are sorting their party clothes and testing mixes of make-up, decoration and the best ways of firing hazel-nuts at visitors

Giants are gathering. Green And Leafy, Redbeard, Night-time, and Coombe have all sent themselves off for polishing.

a table-top of giants

Toadstools are sprouting enthusiastically, possibly emerging a bit early and we hope they won't have got so excited they've collapsed by Saturday (meet Newbattle College, Dalkeith, 2 pm Saturday 12th for this first storywalk through the Waking Wood).

But there is dissension.

THE SONG OF THE GRUMPY TOADSTOOL

I don't like this.

And I don't like that.

And I don't like much at all!

Conkers!

Acorns!

Crunching leaves,

Changing colour,

Falling leaves,

Collecting on top of me!

Spikey conkers,

Lumpy acorns,

Juicy apples,

Squirrels collecting nuts.

I don't like that!

And I don't like this!

And I don't like much at all!

I hate it all!

So I will sit here poisonous,

Sprouting in the leaf mould

And sulk

Other Toadstools are more optimistic but tinged with a sense of doom and the transience of flesh. These are Toadstool Songs and if you/we cannot find the rhythm and metre of them then that is more about our clumsy human sense not appreciating the subtlety of fungal song-writing. they are, after all, among the very few organisms who can effectively rhyme orange with porridge ( English-speaking humans can sometime manage it if they've got a bad cold)

necessary adjustments can be undignified

THE SONG OF THE HAPPY TOADSTOOL

I like playing in the woods,

I like collecting leaves;

(On my head)

I like conkers,

I like pumpkins,

I like juicy apples

And tasty brambles.

I like the sound of leaves under a rabbit's feet,

And watching the wild cats,

And skulls,

And Toads,

And deer sitting down in the dark,

And foxes in their burrows.

I like autumn,

Because of Hallowe'en

And watching the sky for the triangle lines of geese

I like autumn because winter is near

I would love to walk,

To go for a walk,

For a long walk

Through the tall forest.

I would love to

Jump in leaves

And swim through leaves,

Crunchy leaves, dry leaves

Beautiful leaves,

Changing colour

On cold frosty mornings.

I would be so good at trick-or-treating

I would love to do those things

If only I could.